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Joke of the Day

"Me: ""There are so many exotic sounding flavours these days. I just can't resist-"" Doctor: ""YOU NEED TO STOP DRINKING SHAMPOO!"""

"Not to brag but my new mistress is a lingerie model. Ok, fine, mannequin. But she doesn't talk much and I like that."

"How do you get a gay guy to have sex with a woman? Shit in her cunt"

"What kind of shoes does Voldemort wear? Hor-crocs."

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? [NSFW] I wouldn't pay five hundred dollars to have a lentil on my face."

"There are 10 kinds of people in the world Those who understand binary and those who don't."

"Two guys were walking down the street. . . One guy turns into a building, the other one goes, ""Oh my God! How the fuck did you do that?!"""

"[stacks of books on floor] Impressive, son. [son places pizza on one stack, soda & cookies on others] ""Yep; perfect height"" [turns on Xbox]"

"I found the best comment about what's been happening to reddit [DELETED]"

"Why are there no black people in clue? Because then it wouldn't be a mystery."