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Joke of the Day

"Why was the guitar teacher arrested? Because he was fingering minors."

"My girlfriend treats me like God She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something."

"I dumped my boyfriend with a lazy eye. Turns out he was seeing chicks on the side."

"My mate said the drink I bought him tasted funny. It was a cheap shot."

"Netflix just announced it's raising the price and changing it's slogan to ""One movie you wanna see and a thousand others you never heard of"""

"Before murdering someone ask yourself: Am I justified? Will I find forgiveness? Did I pay for the shovel in cash?"

"In the Empire... In the Galactic Empire, there were two holonet channels. The first channel was Imperial propaganda, and the second was an Intelligence officer telling you to turn back to channel 1."

"Ambien is not the answer, unless your neighbor questions why you were sleeping on their couch and where did their cheesecake go."

"Ever worry that spiders have 8 slippers to slap you with?"

"[Dog Restaurant] ""Is the Book Report any good?"" Yes, Sir. ""How's it prepared?"" A 9yo stayed up till 3am to finish it. ""Ooh, I'll have that."""