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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend treats me like God She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something."

"Airplanes: offering you the comforts of gas station food/drinks at popular night club prices"

"People who won Darwin Awards... ...jumped into the gene pool when the life guards weren't looking"

"Tornado warnings outside. Good thing I got drunk enough to fight a tornado or else we'd be screwed."

"To all the men out there without ponytails: What are you afraid of? SUCCESS???"

"The first time I had sex I cried I don't know whether it was the physical contact, emotional connection, or pepper spray but any way I teared up."

"It only takes 3 inches to please a woman. And it doesn't matter if it's mastercard, visa or American express."

"Mechanic: you need a new carburetor Me: you can call it a buretor, I know lots about cars, I'm like you"

"Almost that time of year, again. Deer gun season, or as the deer call it, the annual holocaust."

"Your beliefs don't make you a better person, your behavior does."