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Joke of the Day

"I suspect that my cat has plans to kill me, but has just never been awake long enough to carry them out. Advantage: human."

"What does a blood learn in kindergarten? His abb's"

"You know as soon as my ""Swear Jar"" gets full, I'm going to use the money to get a Fking Puppy!!!"

"Planning a murder/suicide is kind of pessimistic, what if the murder part cheers you up?"

"My wife said she wanted to see 50 Shades of Grey. So I took a photo of her hair!"

"Folks ask me why I still miss my wife after forty years. Well, I'm human and that bitch is still pretty quick on her feet."

"I know a really good reverend Jim Jones joke. I'd tell it, but the punch line is too long."

"How many Avengers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. Ant-Man and Wasp are the only ones small enough to fit inside a lightbulb."

"Do you know the difference between camping and molestation? No? In that case, do you want to go camping this weekend?"

"What did Hitler call his favorite piece of furniture? Mein Kampfy Chair"