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Joke of the Day

"I tried to make a living mixing audio files to the left and right ...but it didn't really pan out."

"Why didnt the mole make it to the stripclub? He was slow as molasses."

"She wants to know what I accomplished on my day off, but when I show her she yells at me for not flushing. Marriage is hard."

"I like my women like I like my coffee... K-Cups."

"If Kevin Bacon is ever caught outside during a blizzard, it'd be pretty awesome if when he was found his core temperature was six degrees."

"If they can make crunchy peanut butter, surely they can make crunchy butter."

"So the other day at the ATM an elderly lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her o_O"

"New career ambition: have an office and big chair that I can slowly turn Bond villain-esquely around in to greet my enemies."

"I told a wild dog to go away... It dingo anywhere."

"The rotation of the earth really makes my day."