200314

Joke of the Day

"New career ambition: have an office and big chair that I can slowly turn Bond villain-esquely around in to greet my enemies."

"If you always think the grass is greener on the other side, maybe you should water what the fuck you have and see how that works out first."

"Oral makes my day, but anal makes my hole weak!"

"*crawls out of your television and tries to kill you* I'm not like other girls."

"Bend over, little fairy... ...a wish is a wish."

"Ricky sent SMS to his BOSS: ""Me sick, no work"" Boss SMS back: ""When I am sick I kiss my wife try it"" 2 hours later Ricky sms 2 boss: ""Me ok, ur wife very sweet"""

"On your first day as a new parent, walk up to your baby and cry louder than it to assert your dominance."

"Q. What did the salt say to the pepper? A. Hey Baby what's SHAKING!"

"What did the grape say when it got trodden on? Nothing, it just let out a little whine."

"The Expendables 2 Review: I haven't seen that much shooting in a movie since I went to watch The Dark Knight Rises."