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Joke of the Day
"If they can make crunchy peanut butter, surely they can make crunchy butter."
Next Joke
"Drive down the middle of my street and make me squeeze by you, so I know who to murder first when the apocalypse hits."
"I wouldn't eat food cooked by aliens because they cum in peas!"
"I was just sentenced to Prison for my part in a timeshare fraud. I have to go to prison for two weeks every year for 20 years."
"Has anything happened since 2008? I've been looking down at my phone."
"Why doesn't Stephen Hawking need a wife? Because he has his own shoulder to cry on. Edit: all credit goes to /u/Earleebird who posted it in a comment in /r/oldschoolcool"
"Hey you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone!"
"I've never understood the whole 'burying people for fun at the beach'. The cops will just find the bodies when the tide comes"
"What do you call a shity poet? A poo'et"
"What sound does a frog make while jacking off? Rubbit Rubbit"