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Joke of the Day

"She wants to know what I accomplished on my day off, but when I show her she yells at me for not flushing. Marriage is hard."

"(Spoilers) Ian McShane in GoT I guess that makes him Deadwood."

"What do you have to do to have a party in space? You have to Planet."

"I like my women like I like my coffee... ...bought for far less money than it would have cost to buy it locally."

"Last year for Christmas I got a sweater ,for this year I would prefer a squirter or a moaner ."

"A parliament of owls, a murder of crows, a thatsso of ravens"

"Studies find if a woman has a glass of wine a day increases the chances of a stroke. If you let her have more she might suck it too."

"So I asked my grandma I asked my grandma if she had ever tried 69. She said, ""No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."""

"I tried to eat a clock once... But it was too time consuming."

"What insect lives on nothing? A moth because it eats holes."