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Joke of the Day

"Lucy plans elaborate jewel heist. Lucy dons cat burglar suit to conceal identity. Lucy pulls off heist. Lucy in disguise with diamonds."

Next Joke
 
"My roommate says I don't respect personal space. That's at least what it says in his diary."
"Why should you separate something into 62 parts if you want to make it tiny? Because sixty-seconds=minute."
"WHAT IS SEX? HUSBAND: A minute of PLEASURE, then years of PRESSURE! WIFE: Moments of ECSTASY, followed by decades of SLAVERY! MISTRESS: Just stolen TIME, but never MINE! HOOKER: NEXT!"
"8: I'm gonna marry someone who likes a different cereal than I do, so he won't eat all my favorite cereal. Me: Sounds pretty legit."
"A British soldier meets an Australian soldier on a warzone **British soldier**: Did you come here to die? **Australian soldier**: Nah mate, I came here yesterday!"
"A man working at an airport control tower when he notices a crash about to happen. He called the airplane crash hotline: 911."
"I saw someone use ""Terrierist"" instead of ""Terrorist"" and I don't know whether I should be afraid of my dogs or not."
"When life hands you melons, you know you're dyslexic."
"I went to the blacksmiths for a job interview He asked me ""have you ever shoed a horse before?"" I replied ""no, but i told a donkey to fuck off."""