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Joke of the Day

"The best thing about having a penis... is sharing it with people who don't."

"What's the difference between my wife and my paycheck? My paycheck comes once a week."

"Don't ask God to cure cancer & world poverty. He's too busy finding you a parking space & fixing the weather for your barbecue."

"Instead of neutering my dog I just make him wear crocs."

"Jus made the jerk off motion at a baby because his mom is using coupons."

"[at the mall] ""Excuse me? I lost my son. Can I please make an announcement?"" ""Of course."" [leans in to mic] ""Goodbye you little shit."""

"Get the sand out your vagina. if you loose a player match and don't want your rematch bcuz your too pussy, why still try and talk shit xD."

"Guys are always saying they get their woman to make them a sandwich right after sex. If she can walk straight after having sex, you're doing it wrong! Go make your own damn sandwich!"

"Why did Shrodinger's girlfriend dump him? Because she didn't like his lack of commitment"

"I want to throw a party with fake alcohol and see how many people act wasted."