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Joke of the Day

"The average person swallows over 4,000 spiders each year. More than that. Tens of thousands. Hundreds of thousands of spiders. It's crazy."

"A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket..... and thinks, ""some asshole has my pen"""

"I like the pink cans of mace because looking adorable while preventing rape is very important to me."

"The smarter the person, the less they tell you about it."

"What do the Mafia and pussies have in common? One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit."

"I find it hard to dress casually. I always get emotionally involved."

"Why do dogs chase cats? To get dat pussy. . . . . . . I'll show myself the door."

"u have been sentenced to 99 years in a maximum security prison for taking bites out of a string cheese instead of havin fun and peeling it"

"When accused by a woman a man's first instinct is to deny. We're not lying, we're just buying time to remember what you're talking about..."

"Kellyanne Conway can't receive PDF's in her email so she uses an alternative: Fax"