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Joke of the Day

"After my grandfather's funeral... I scattered his remains all over my back garden. Which was horrible, because he hadn't been cremated."

"I'm surprised Bob the Builder ever gets anything done He's surrounded by tools"

"If I were an old Chinese man I would never say anything, just nod and laugh strategically to freak people out"

"What do you get when you cross a snake with a plane? A boeing constrictor"

"Judge: Why did you steal that bird? Prisoner: For a lark sir."

"TIL you don't actually learn something new everyday. Wait. Nevermind."

"My friend keeps hiding Disney films in my lunch. I'm fed up."

"A blonde walks into a library... No, that's it. That's the joke."

"England football manager Roy Hodgson has just announced that he's won the competition for ""Scotland's favourite Englishman."""

"I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness."