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Joke of the Day

"If I were an old Chinese man I would never say anything, just nod and laugh strategically to freak people out"

"you know when a kid calls their stepmom by their first name? we should weaponize that"

"I love doggie style as much as the next guy, but sometimes she's just too pretty to fcuk from behind."

"How To Ride An Escalator: -Step 1 -Now Just Chill for a Bit"

"I can turn wine into a one night stand. Your move Jesus."

"What's the difference between an orphan home and a terrorists' boot camp? I don't know. I'm retiring next month."

"What do you call a zoo that only has one dog? A shit-zoo."

"""Sooth. Sooth! SOOOTH!!!"" --soothsayers"

"Of course I work out. I do burpees after drinking pop. I do lunges to grab the last slice of pizza & squats if I drop it."

"A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. Still unsure as to whether or not that full stop adds to humorous effect."