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Joke of the Day

"When I'm empty-handed my dog doesn't know what the word 'sit' means, but if I have a treat she can perform neurosurgery."

"Why do we eat? Because we are hungry"

"Police Officer: Do you speak English? Jose: Yes. Police Officer: Where are you from? Jose: Yes"

"I told my dad I didn't want to walk all the way there... ...He said: ""That's a lame excuse""."

"Fish are just mobile sushi storage units."

"What is the difference between a musician and a dead body? One composes and the other decomposes."

"I just made my Chiropractor's day by calling him Doctor in front of his mom."

"Every time I see a person handing out flyers it blows my mind that some people actually get paid to distribute garbage to strangers."

"Phone Women are like IPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond! Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!"

"You're only as awkward as you say you are...out loud...in front of people...who were in a private conversation...that didn't involve you."