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Joke of the Day

"You're only as awkward as you say you are...out loud...in front of people...who were in a private conversation...that didn't involve you."

Next Joke
 
"I'll sleep when my iPhone's dead."
"Somebody actually complimented me on my parking today. They left a note on the windscreen. It said, ""Parking fine"", so that was nice."
"All I have is blood on my hands now. Papercut"
"Opportunity knocks once, however temptation likes to lean on the door bell."
"If Bill Clinton ever says ""I can't. My wife would kill me"" What he really means is his wife would have him killed."
"Why did Vladimir fall off his bike? He was rushin"
"I bet Thor would lose his shit if he knew how many hammers are at Home Depot."
"Not only is my short-term memory horrible... So is my short-term memory."
"Whoops, I said ""fuck"" in front if the kid again. I am the Joe Biden of this family."