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Joke of the Day

"""Sorry, but none of my clothes fit today."" My date nods, and politely avoids looking at my towel and safety pins."

"How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Wanna go ride bikes?"

"Why Ireland so rich? Because its capital is always Dublin."

"""""When people cut you down. Or talk behind your back. Remember they took time out of their pathetic lives, To think about you."""""

"My high school bully still takes my lunch money... On the plus side, he makes really good subway sandwiches"

"I was just told this joke What's the hard part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair!!"

"What's the best way to carve wood? Whittle by whittle."

"Would headphones get tangled in space? no, they would knot"

"I asked God for a bike... but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness."

"Sex like me is like 'The Mermaid Joke' on /r/jokes right now. Hot, bloody, and it ends with a dead cow."