203320

Joke of the Day

"""""When people cut you down. Or talk behind your back. Remember they took time out of their pathetic lives, To think about you."""""

"What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a trampoline? I take my boots off to jump on the trampoline."

"M:$50 on the ginger with face tattoos H: Ma'am those aren't tattoos, they're freckles and you can't bet on a 6th grade spelling bee"

"I thought twerking was tweeting at work That's how out of the loop I am"

"What do you call it when a stripper gives you a free lap-dance? A pro boner."

"If you're in a bar and a newscaster says, ""Police report the killer left a small doll at the scene,"" don't shout, ""It was an action figure!"""

"The plane starts going down. I say, ""If we die, know that hat is hideous"". We all survive. Great Aunt Mildred hasn't spoken to me since."

"The most scientific pet? The lab."

"i started vaping to fit in with my friends, who are mostly steam whistles"

"[therapy session] THERAPIST: ok...I totally respect your feelings & you sound genuine...but that was just the plot of Jurassic Park ME: nuh uh"