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Joke of the Day

"Note to self: Take Mila Kunis picture off of vacuum before taking it in for service next time."

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"Hell is filled with news anchors tapping stacks of papers on desks and engaging in lighthearted end-of-broadcast banter."
"If you eat too many salted pretzels on Halloween, what happens the next day? November thirst."
"Why does Sean Connery suck at DIY? A lack of shelf awareness."
"A joke from my 5 year old brother... Q: What has four legs but doesn't move? A: A statue of a dog!"
"Trying to make a collage for my preschooler's art project using magazine cut-outs, but I keep ending up with ransom notes."
"Shaq just described himself as a geek. The word has officially lost all meaning,"
"What kind of milk does Mitt Romney drink? 1%"
"All I want in life is to be cool enough to cut up slices of an apple and eat them directly from the knife."
"Capitalism is horrible Buy my book to find out why!"