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Joke of the Day

"All I want in life is to be cool enough to cut up slices of an apple and eat them directly from the knife."

"Two Tomatos A father tomato and son tomato were walking down the street. The son was falling behind so the father turned around and **STOMPED** on his son. ""**KETCHUP!**"""

"What's a Brazillian's least favorite math chapter to do? 7-1"

"A Library is a good place to get in a fight with ur girlfriend cuz its the only place u can get away with saying ""Shhh"" w/out being murdered"

"The look on my husbands face while watching a Victoria's Secret commercial tells me exactly where all my catalogs went."

"What do a redneck divorce and a burning meth lab have in common? Someone's losing a trailer."

"How did the Jewish alcoholic survive The Prohibition? He-brewed."

"I was just unfollowed by a guy with 10,349 tweets & 38 followers...I'm thinking that's the same guy at the park that talks to all the pigeons"

"Want to hear something really cool? Ice."

"Robin: Gee Bruce, how come you get to wear dark concealing colors and I have to wear bright Red, Yellow and Green? Batman: You're the decoy"