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Joke of the Day

"I said ""Margarita"" 3 times in the mirror instead of ""Bloody Mary"" and now a ghost mariachi band is forcing me to play maracas for them."

"What's the opposite of wake up sex? Necrophilia."

"I have body of a 25 year old supermodel But it takes too much space in my freezer"

"What's the longest word in the English language? A native Texan saying, ""Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttttttt."""

"A heads up to girls on Facebook .. if your status says ""single"" and your profile picture is you with your cat - Well then no fucking shit"

"A priest asks a little girl what she knows about the resurrection She says ""I don't know much other than that if it lasts for more than four hours then you should call a doctor"""

"I went to a concert and the DJ asked us to put our hands in the air Unfortunately, I had forgotten my bag of Lays at home"

"Me: You ate all the cookies and your sister got none. What does that tell you? 4-year-old: I won."

"I hear Bernie has his own personal knives and forks... They're called cucklery"

"What does Batman get in his drink? Just ice"