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Joke of the Day

"I said ""Margarita"" 3 times in the mirror instead of ""Bloody Mary"" and now a ghost mariachi band is forcing me to play maracas for them."

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 189,463 times, you're the editor of HuffPo."

"[police lineup] Cop: Do you see the guy who ate your plants? Me: Nope Cop: *waving leaf* Wildebeest step forward? WB: *drooling* Goddamnit"

"""Oh, he's so immature."" - boring people talking about fun people"

"Abortions are so fun... ...they really bring out the kid in you"

"I used to be addicted to the Hokey-Pokey but I've turned myself around"

"When I was a kid I liked my Jack in the Box...But now I prefer my Jack in the Bottle."

"What do Mexicans use with the Wii-U? Amiigo"

"Decided to start a business that serves beer and gives massages Gonna call it Rub and Chug"

"A Higgs boson walks into a church... The priest says, ""We don't allow Higgs bosons in here."" The Higgs boson replies, ""But without me, how can you have mass?"""