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Joke of the Day

"What's the longest word in the English language? A native Texan saying, ""Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttttttt."""

"I hope aliens don't land in the next few years, because this is a really embarrassing time for humanity."

"I kept trying to think of puns about the eye during my biology lesson, when we dissected one. To be honest, they kept getting cornea and cornea...."

"Saying sniggers isn't very politically correct I now say laughrican americans."

"What was Confucius' favorite comfort food? Macaroni and Qi."

"My tweets are only motivational if your motive is to become an asshole."

"Corny Joke I Heard On The Radio What did the one fish in the tank say to the other? ""Do you know how to drive this thing?"""

"Can I get some of you to sign my Medium open letter ""Hello rude teens, I don't know what memes are but stop doing memes at me!!!""?"

"Me: What do you think of my tweets? Wife: They're all pretty terrible. Me: Don't you have ANYTHING positive to say? Wife: You're consistent."

"Whoa there, pregnancy test. You just tell us yes or no and we'll decide if it's positive or negative."