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Joke of the Day

"Do I turn left when nothing is right? Or do I turn right when there's nothing left?"

"I think the funnest part of a prostate exam is when I fake an orgasm."

"ME: Siri listen very carefully. I need you to quietly dial 911, and... SIRI: I HAVE FOUND TWO RESTAURANTS WITHIN 5 MILES OF YOUR LOCATION."

"What insect is the Wood Ant related to? The Should Ant and the Could Ant."

"How are 4chan and Tumblr alike? They usually announce a trigger warning before mentioning a school shooting"

"In 1975 Bill Gates was out on a date... ...and he asked his female companion what he should name his new company. She replied that he should name it after his penis."

"Some people think stalking is wrong... I call those people cops"

"What kind of music does an inspired Latin fish listen to? Carp E.D.M. Credit to my friend for this one."

"One liner. I have a cold. The stuff that's coming out of my nose could turn turtles into ninjas."

"Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon. Nobody would laugh, but then immediately after Neil would follow up with, ""Ah well, I guess you had to be there."""