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Joke of the Day

"Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon. Nobody would laugh, but then immediately after Neil would follow up with, ""Ah well, I guess you had to be there."""

"So I went to a zoo the other day... And all it had in it was one dog. It was a shitzu."

"You hate me? Well okay, grab a chair and wait for me to care."

"iOS 6 to present black screen with a big blinking ""NO!"" anytime someone tries to shoot video in portrait mode."

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."

"Officer: ""didn't you know that sleeping in your car on the side of the road is illegal ?"" Me: ""yes I did officer. But this isn't my car"""

"Well I guess it's time we change Philip Seymour Hoffman's name to Philip Seeyanomour Hoffman!"

"What did the doctor say to the Mesothelioma patient? There's not much I can do, but I'll do asbestos I can!"

"Harambe walks into a bar. Bartender: What will you be having to drink? Harambe: I'll have just ice. Bartender: Just ice? Me: Yes, justice for Harambe."

"Dad walks in on son fapping He says,""Son that'll make you go blind!"" The young man says,""Dad I'm over here, that's a lamp."""