220802

Joke of the Day

"I thought vasectomies were supposed to keep me from getting my wife pregnant?? Apparently, it just changes the color of the baby. Go figure."

"I remember how the folks on food stamps cost our country trillions by selling bets on bad mortgages to suckers. Glad they're being punished!"

"Do I turn left when nothing is right? Or do I turn right when there's nothing left?"

"A man walks down a street with his dog Stranger: hey that's a nice dog Man: yes but I'm afraid I'm going to have to put him down Stranger: ah how sad, why so? Man: he's fucking heavy"

"If there's a god-shaped hole in all of us does that mean our poos come out in god's image?"

"What is Mozart doing right now? Decomposing."

"My ex said he would die for me. All I'm saying is, it was his suggestion."

"""I love watching myself in the mirror while I shoot dope."" Said Tom in vain."

"When people ask me about my hobbies, I tell them I'm into birdwatching, photography and meeting new people. It sounds better than stalking."

"What's long, hard, goes in a vagina, out of a vagina, and leaves a whore feeling good about herself? An abortion hook."