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Joke of the Day

"I remember how the folks on food stamps cost our country trillions by selling bets on bad mortgages to suckers. Glad they're being punished!"

"I went to one of those colleges where you can make up your own degree... I ended up with a major in paedophilia and a minor in the back of my van."

"Never underestimate a well placed ""that's what she said"". Unless your boss is standing behind you. Thanks for the heads up Michelle."

"What's the difference between Australia and Yogurt? Culture"

"They say make up sex is the best... Good thing, because all the sex I have is made up."

"I love my husband. But, what really motivates me to stay married is how much weight I'd have to lose to date again."

"Here's a question. If you and your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife switched phones and Facebook profiles for 24 hrs would you still have a relationship!!!!"

"Awkward=when autocorrect changes 'sooner' to 'sober' so email to 8 yr. old's teacher reads ""I apologize for not getting back to you sober"""

"What's a pirate's favorite letter? You'd think R but it's the C he loves!"

"What did the jealous prostitute say at the orgy? Don't blow this for me."