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Joke of the Day
"Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, you will pay. You have my Word."
Next Joke
"Pitbull is probably always the first person to hit ""Will Attend"" on a party evite."
"Me: you like that? *takes out trash* Wife: ooooh Me *starts vacuuming the living room* Wife: oh my god, don't stop"
"*watches an extremely cute guy flirt with an equally cute girl at the gym from the floor above like an old witch on a mountain*"
"A skeleton walks into a bar... and he orders a beer and a mop."
"If I've offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn't think you could read."
"Nice try, people that invite me to things that aren't in my house"
"Why did the Muslim cross the road? I said to my self as I floored the accelerator. Although I guess he did get to the other side."
"Rob a bank with a Nokia How would you rob a bank with a nokia? Walk in hold up a nokia, Robber: Get the fuck down i gotta nokia Lady: Holy shit hes got a nokia AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Something like that"
"I made the Earth move for the last girl I had sex with. And then I moved it back to the hole I had buried her in."