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Joke of the Day

"tip: glue a tiny mirror onto your drivers license photo so, when you hand it to the cops, they will get confused & arrest themselves instead"

"For Lent I've decided to give up my New Year's Resolutions, now pass the Girl Scout Cookies."

"Cinderella taught girls that it's ok if a guy has no idea what you look like as long as he's a prince."

"Once I've repeated what I said for the third time, I have to tell my dark family secret: I come from a long line of mumblers."

"I only came to this school reunion because one of you've got my Wu Tang tape."

"Did you hear about the bear attack at that Chinese Zoo? It was Pandemonium."

"What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink? Wataaaaah!"

"Why do people at home on TV have their pants on?"

"I'm going to protect my tweets on Christmas this year so Santa can't ""know when I'm not sleeping or know when I'm awake."" Take that!"

"I bought a new Japanese car. I turned on the radio... I don't understand a word they're saying."