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Joke of the Day

"Remember when you were small & all you wanted was a pony but your parents were high on meth & thought the house was already full of ponies?"

"On the set of a movie... ""Alright folks that's a wrap"" ""Actually sir it's a panini"" ""Ugh..Take five"" But there weren't enough paninis for everyone to take 5"

"I bought a toilet brush at the store the other day but it kind of hurts so I think I'll go back to paper!"

"I started breeding pygmy malamutes, and I gave one to my SO, but they left me before they saw the puppy. All I said was, ""Hey, you're getting a little husky."""

"Microsoft just announced they are changing the name of Xbox's Premier Multiplayer Service from Xbox Live to Xbox Dead..."

"A Mexican magician announced... ""For my next trick, I will count to ten and vanish into thin air."" He began ""Uno....dos.."" Then he disappeared without a tres."

"Why did the snail cross the road ? It is not clear yet , let it cross the road first. Update : It has been confirmed that it was to meet the Chicken who crossed the road earlier."

"The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream."

"Maybe this is just the wine talking, but I'm fermented grapes inside a guy's stomach making him think he really likes you"

"If you eat a block of cheese and do a lunge, it should balance out, right? Actually, it was less lunge, more trip, but still."