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Joke of the Day

"A girl asked me for sex yesterday. I had to disappoint her. We had sex."

"Sometimes I wonder how shit life would be if electricity was never invented. I mean it would be terrible having to watch TV by candlelight."

"What do you call a polygon on viagra? An Erectangle"

"How did the Linux admin commit assault? He sudo bashed someone."

"""I need a car. What do you have?"" ""Well, we have a Subaru Outback"" ""But what kind of Subaru?"" ""Outback"" ""I don't CARE where you keep it..."""

"This ones for those college students and there finals This is really just a good analogy. Finals are like plastic surgery, you go in with A's and you come out with D's!"

"That's the last time I buy underwear at a yard sale. I don't want to talk about it."

"All of my tattoos mean something. For example, the Chumbawamba lyrics on my rib cage mean I don't drink tequila anymore."

"I was thinking about donating some money to my local hospital... But then I realized they'd probably just spend it on drugs."

"Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they're the problem is the other half."