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Joke of the Day

"""I need a car. What do you have?"" ""Well, we have a Subaru Outback"" ""But what kind of Subaru?"" ""Outback"" ""I don't CARE where you keep it..."""

"The guy at the grocery store just asked if I brought my reusable bag with me and I told him its none of his business where my girlfriend is"

"Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia ? Must have been a duck family A duck family ? Didn't you say there was a quack in it !"

"How do you separate the Greek men from the Greek boys? A crowbar."

"What's brown and sticky? Poo!"

"What sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother."

"I never scrape my back window so when I back out of parking spots I let Jesus decide if I'm gonna kill anyone"

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no eye deer."

"What's the difference between a guy falling from the 20th or the 1st floor of a building? 20th floor fall goes: *Aaaaaah, BAM!* 1st floor fall goes: *BAM, Aaaaah!*"

"Here's a promise - if a scuba shop is within sprinting distance of the ocean and they let me try stuff on I'm not paying for a damn thing."