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Joke of the Day

"This ones for those college students and there finals This is really just a good analogy. Finals are like plastic surgery, you go in with A's and you come out with D's!"

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"6am: Too tired 8am: This isn't so bad 1pm: OMG so tired 5pm: zombie 8pm: Dead 10pm: LETS SWIM THE ENGLISH CHANNEL & OVERTHINK FOR HOURS"
"I had a thought the other day Losing 15 pounds sounds a lot better in America than in England."
"I dont think anyone flushed the toilet because i dont need to hear all of your shit"
"I opened my front door this morning to find a large black coffin. I gave him a pack of Lockets and told him to fuck off."
"Failed another job interview today. Apparently taking part in an orgy isn't proof that you can effectively work as part of a team"
"So an atheist pastor, vegan butcher, and the presidential candidate Donald Trump walk into a bar..."
"Why are bank offices so cold? They're trying to freeze their assets."
"Mitt Romney."
"I tried throwing away my old boomerang but it keeps coming back"