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Joke of the Day

"Want to hear my favorite holocaust joke? Aw, schwitz! I forgot it :("

"*drinking my first beer with my dad* ""I can't believe you made me eat the other ones"""

"""Coming up on tonight's news, hear about the tragic case of 10 people who lost their lives trying to escape a fire at the nightclub everyone's been dying to get into."" *Disclaimer: No pun in ten dead."

"Do old people wear boxers or briefs? Depends."

"A girl at my high school got kicked out of the Future Farmers of America (FFA)... She couldn't keep her calves together."

"Making NSA work hard today: just left vm for Senator saying, ""drop-off done"" & then made a hair appointment at a salon in Lahore, Pakistan."

"2016 is almost coming to an end Surprise MFs. I have a leap second added to me."

"Where do otters come from? Otter space. [credit goes to Anne Carson, or wherever she heard it]"

"Cop: ""Did you kill this man?"" Me: ""No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."""

"A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, ""Do you know what tomorrow is?"" and watch the panic set in."