177332

Joke of the Day

"""Coming up on tonight's news, hear about the tragic case of 10 people who lost their lives trying to escape a fire at the nightclub everyone's been dying to get into."" *Disclaimer: No pun in ten dead."

"Blood types They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type O."

"*lays in bed* ""Did I leave the oven on? When's the last time I even baked anything? Like 6 months? I should probably still check to be sure"""

"*throws plate of Kraft Mac and Cheese at wall* I TOLD YOU I CAN'T EAT SPICY FOOD"

"""I Knew You Were Trouble When You Walked In"" is my favorite Taylor Swift song about a racist shop owner."

"Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked."

"High schools shouldn't have school zones. If you can't cross the street by the time you're in HS you deserve to get hit."

"I like most ancient cities... But I Constantinople."

"Why can't atheists solve quadratic equations? They don't believe in higher powers."

"What's wrong with a chameleon that can't change colors? He has a reptile dysfunction."