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Joke of the Day

"[Ariel climbs Rapunzel's hair with a dinglehopper between her teeth] ""There can only be one socially awkward Princess,"" she vows savagely."

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"[Crate and Barrel job interview] ""So why do you want to work here?"" DONKEY KONG [sweating]: I love interior design"
"""To serve and protect."""
"What do you call a fish with no eyes? A Fsh"
"What's pasty, white, and bounces up and down in a crib? My ass."
"Eve: I got an Apple. Adam: ... Eve: ... Adam: ... Eve: What? Adam: I thought we'd decided on Android. Eve: The serpent said this was better."
"Have you tried just Photoshopping her into your life?"
"[slowly rises from trashcan while 2 friends are making plans without me] i am also free that day."
"What did one butt cheek say to the other butt cheek? ""Together, we can stop this shit."""
"every snail has a perfectly baked cinnamon bun inside its shell"