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Joke of the Day

"Why is everyone afraid of Vladimir Putin? Because Vlad is Putin everyone in their place. I'll let myself out."

"A pirate joke kind of day. What do pirates and pimps have in common? They both say ""YO HO!"" and walk with a limp!"

"Sometimes I think my wife's a bit shallow I wouldn't want the dog digging her up"

"It's like these people that have to shop at Goodwill don't even realize how lucky and trendy they are!"

"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew.."

"I don't friend zone people I relationship zone them. You want to be my friend? Too bad, we're dating."

"My doctor said I need freshly squeezed orange juice everyday I cannot concentrate!"

"Help me out, I don't know any white jokes"

"Yea, go ahead and destroy that spider's web. It's not like he spent a week making it so he can kill bugs that are in your house. Asshole."

"Dating tip: Girls love mysterious guys. For example, tell her ""Im a lawyer.Or AM I?"" then hum the Twilight Zone theme and turn into an eagle"