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Joke of the Day

"How do you make 5 pounds of ugly fat really attractive? Put a nipple on it!"

"An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid."

"I've been ""watching my weight"" and, rest assured, it's still there."

"What do you call a mexican hitchhiker? El Paso"

"Someone should make a food app that connects to your bank account and only lists restaurants you can afford, could call it Welp"

"I came across my parents doing it in the bathroom!!! My dad was like, ""Where do I go now?"""

"Why did the Gorilla enlist in the ragged continental army? To avoid the draft!"

"Personal reflection is important for anyone working in the mirror industry."

"What's the difference between a hook and a hooker? You can unscrew a hook, but you can't unscrew a hooker"

"Me: Do you want anything from Chipotle? CW: Yeah....just surprise me. Me: *comes back with no food* SURPRISE!"