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Joke of the Day

"One crazy fantasy I have is having any energy to do things after work."

"How does Gandalf know he's pregnant? A wizard is never late."

"A corgi walks into a bar Bartender: what can I ge... Corgi: I'll have a jack and coke Bartender: why the short paws?"

"* on a date snuggling * Me: Did you enjoy dinner? Her: Yeah, but now I feel fat. Me: Get your hands off my belly."

"Mom: Why is your room always so... Mom: Why is your room always so messy? Me: So that if someone comes in and tries to kill me, they'll trip over something and die."

"FRIEND:i suffer badly with insomnia ME:what's that FRIEND:it's where you can't sleep ME:you just*lays down*just like this *falls asleep*see?"

"Whats the difference between a black guy and a bench? A bench can support a family"

"Why is it so hard to pull over on the Pirate Highway? Because there's a parrot on the shoulder."

"What do you call a homeless man who trashes food you give him then says he only accepts cash? A rootabaga."

"What do beekeepers say when they go to work? ""Alright, let's get down to beeswax!"""