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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear they are planning to legislate that all time-telling devices should indicate numbers only as Roman numerals? Not on my watch!"

"Am I relying on you to cover up all these blood stains after murdering my ex? BLEACH I MIGHT BE"

"Nature is full of strange creatures: carnivororous plants, birds that can't fly, white people with dreadlocks"

"Riddle, you see a guy You see a guy on the street talking to himself. What's his nationality? He's a Babylonian."

"Pedophiles are like televisions Even a three year old can turn them on."

"I was running down a street and saw a bloke, I shouted ""Run quick, some lions have escaped from the zoo.""He said ""which way are they heading?"" I replied ""Well, I'm not chasing the fuckers."""

"looney toons fans: ah, good... once again elmer has failed to put food on the table... he won't survive the winter. this is truly hilarious"

"Did you watch the movie constipation? It never came out."

"I hope this guy at the urinal next to me can see that I'm checking Twitter and not taking pictures."

"I really want to try sado-necro-beastiality... But I feel like I'd just be flogging a dead horse."