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Joke of the Day

"I've just done the pilot of a new porn series about promiscuous airline staff."

"Why are French snails faster than American snails? L'ess cargo"

"If you order a salad in Texas, you get a bowl of ranch dressing with a chunk of iceberg lettuce, 89 croutons & a chicken fried steak on top."

"Today I found my first grey pubic hair... I got really excited, but not as much as the other people on the bus."

"Fancy Dress My mate and I decided to go to a fancy dress but he was adamant that we had to go dressed as Tom Chaplin and Jesse Quin. I wasn't very Keane on the idea."

"How many dadaists does it take to change a lightbulb? Giraffe."

"Two fish are swimming together and they hit a wall, one turns to the other and says... Damn."

"[LPT] Choose the song you hate the most as your alarm tone and place your phone as far as possible Then turn your phone off and sleep like a champion."

"Whenever I talk to a Mexican I feel like there's some kind of barrier between us It's about 4 ft high, made of wood and there's usually a cash register on top of it."

"I'm going to protect my tweets on Christmas this year so Santa can't ""know when I'm not sleeping or know when I'm awake."" Take that!"