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Joke of the Day

"[LPT] Choose the song you hate the most as your alarm tone and place your phone as far as possible Then turn your phone off and sleep like a champion."

"I just Googled ""Living with Glaucoma"" before realising it was just a fingerprint smudge on my glasses."

"How does a mathematician get Tan? Sin/Cos"

"The wife and I were trying to spice things up in the bedroom... so now I cumin her every thyme."

"Spider-man never tweets via iPhone. He's a web kinda guy."

"Why did the irishman wear two condoms? to be sure, to be sure."

"goals for 2016: 1) spend more time with my son 2) learn about his fav video games 3) defeat him 4) become video game household champion"

"You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb."

"If you didn't want me to wash my car on your lawn than you never should have turned your sprinkler on."

"My life would be so much easier if i wasn't intelligent enough to realize how fucking stupid some people are."