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Joke of the Day

"Fancy Dress My mate and I decided to go to a fancy dress but he was adamant that we had to go dressed as Tom Chaplin and Jesse Quin. I wasn't very Keane on the idea."

"Did you hear the joke about the roof? I would tell you, but it tends to go over people's heads"

"1st old man says ""I wish I could pee with no problems"", 2nd old man says ""I wish I could poop easily"", 3rd old man says ""I easily do both by 10am...."" "".... problem is, I don't wake up til noon"""

"Why did the man kidnap 100 children and kill 10 of them? So that only 90 kids will remember."

"Got an A on my paper... Time to write the rest of it"

"Listen Target, I always try products before I buy them and if that means dry humping the shit out of your body pillows in aisle 9, so be it."

"What did the gymnast and the grad student have in common? The both had an outstanding balance."

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away. and pepper-spray keeps the blacks at bay!"

"Woman: [blushing] I was told there wasn't a single werewolf left in the world. Werewolf: there isn't. I'm married."

"How many skateboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw it in and one to film it. **Alternate Ending** One, but it takes him fifty tries."