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Joke of the Day

"I'm going to protect my tweets on Christmas this year so Santa can't ""know when I'm not sleeping or know when I'm awake."" Take that!"

"I wanted to start a business selling soap art, but soapart.com was already taken by a support group for divorcees."

"What do you get if you play a C&W song backwards? Your wife back, your house back, your car back, and your dog back."

"It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads."

"What did the porn actress say when she opened the door? Make sure to come upstairs."

"I'm one boob, you're the other boob and together...we're Breast friends."

"Never doubt a Woman with an extensive vocabulary."

"A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a beer and a mop."

"I told a woman she'd drawn her fake eyebrows on too high she looked surprised."

"When someone texts you ""hahahahaha!!"" instead of ""haha"" or ""lol"", you know you've done well."