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Joke of the Day

"Why wasn't the pirate invited to the movie theater? Because they didn't have movie theaters back in the 1800's."

"Why do bakers start working so early in the morning? Because they knead dough."

"I'll get you socks and a dildo for your birthday. So if you don't like the socks, you can go fuck yourself"

"[hospital] ""Did my dad make it, doctor?"" Billy, your dad's in a better place now. [crying] ""HE'S DEAD?"" Haha no, he went to Disney World."

"What's the best part about showering with a 7 year old girl? You slick their hair back and you've got a 7 year old boy."

"""Can I buy you a drink?"" ""I'd rather just have the money"""

"Friends are like snowflakes, they gang up on you and tell you you're an alcoholic."

"What's the Difference Between An Onion and a Baby I cry when I cut onions."

"Picture someone stepping down off a curb that they didn't realize was there. Now you can say you've seen me dance."

"[E] open box [empty]"