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Joke of the Day

"""Can I buy you a drink?"" ""I'd rather just have the money"""

"Customer: How long must I wait for that turtle soup I ordered? Waiter: Well you know how slow turtles are."

"What did the police do to the sweater? They pulled it over."

"What did the joints say to the arthritis pain? Uh-Leave! I made this up when I was a little kid and naturally thought I was a comedic genius for many unfortunate years to come."

"Dentist: *Pokes gums with sharp pointy instrament of death* Dentist: ""Your gums are bleeding because you don't floss."""

"What Do You Call a Romantic Basketball Player? Love Shaq"

"This girl tweeted ""You might be ghetto if you bring outside food into the movies."" ...No, you might be stupid if you pay 4.99 for Skittles."

"The new Tattoo parlor across the street is free if you show boobs... ...Tit for tat."

"I joke a lot about how horrible my wife and kid are, but in reality you should know that it's not funny at all and it really sucks for me."

"I don't hate you, I'm just not necessarily excited about your existence."