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Joke of the Day

"I'll get you socks and a dildo for your birthday. So if you don't like the socks, you can go fuck yourself"

"Every political Facebook status should start with, ""First of all, I have no idea what I'm talking about."""

"My dolphin died... I have no porpoise in life."

"So I talkedto a gender studies graduate the other day. I told her I wanted a #1 combo with no tomatos or onions."

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? Last night I didn't pay 20 bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"What do cannibals call family members they love? Bae-Kin"

"Why did the horse go behind the tree? To change his jockeys."

"When I was born I was given two choices: The first was to have a perfect memory, and the other was to have a huge penis. Unfortunately, I can't remember which one I chose."

"Government confiscated all the syrup from a syrup factory. Owner of the factory says, ""Why do you need all this syrup?"" The government worker says: ""That's mollasified."""

"Why can't a hand be 12 inches long? BECAUSE THEN IT WOULD BE A FOOT!"