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Joke of the Day

"I'll get you socks and a dildo for your birthday. So if you don't like the socks, you can go fuck yourself"

"Hear about the blonde terrorist who tried to blow up a bus Burned her lips on the exhaust pipe"

"Scientists have found a definite link between sugar highs and pedophilia If you have a sugar high, you've probably eaten too many lolis."

"I hate the part of the conversation where the other person says things."

"What came first? The chicken, the egg or millions of years of evolution that are ignored by a stupid fucking idiom."

"There's a black guy in my family tree... he's still hanging there."

"[at wife's funeral] Son: At least shes in heaven now Me: [delicately places hand on his shoulder] You don't know shit about your mom"

"My niece just yelled ""MY DINNER IS BETTER THAN YOUR DINNER"" so I looked over and she was eating doritos with a fork"

"If you're in a plane above LA... What happens if you are in a plane above Los Angeles, and when you look out the window there are no clouds beneath you? U C L A"

"What did the snowman say to the other snowman? ""do you smell carrots?"""