212244

Joke of the Day

"I'm gaining weight because it's hard to carry around this much ""awesome"" in a standard-sized body."

"There once was a zoo with only one animal... It was a Shih Tzu"

"What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Strokin' Off"

"Left my iPod in the Washer and Dryer... I accidentally left my iPod in the washer and dryer, and when I took it out, all of my songs with explicit lyrics had been deleted."

"When friends or family ask me if I'm going to have another baby, I just gesture at the chaos of my life and yell, ""ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?"""

"Whats black, heavy, round and comes from the sky that can kill you? A bowling ball."

"My father told me a joke. How many Germans does it take screw in a lightbulb? He said Nein My dads jokes are the wurst I tell you."

"Our baby doubled age in a single day. If my calculations are correct, a month from now she'll be about 3 million years old."

"If you've never tried to use ""the force"" to get a an out-of-reach remote control, you're probably not as lazy as me."

"The spider I let live in my kitchen is letting the bugs run amok. No free rides! Your days are numbered missy."