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Joke of the Day

"Left my iPod in the Washer and Dryer... I accidentally left my iPod in the washer and dryer, and when I took it out, all of my songs with explicit lyrics had been deleted."

"What has two legs and looks like a spider? A spider. (They have two legs and an additional six legs also)"

"So I called the suicide hotline earlier... I was answered with, ""Thank you for calling Mr. Archipelago0. We will be processing your request shortly."""

"What's Dale Earnhardt's favorite Pink Floyd album? Dark side of the moon. You sick bastard."

"Fighting a war on drugs beats fighting a war sober"

"""Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all the scabs that were on your arms?"" ""Shut up and eat your cornflakes."""

"The best part of Halloween is all the Jehovah's Witnesses wondering why they're being given candy."

"Thanks, spell check, that's what I meant: Edgar Allen Pie."

"a Mexican, a German, a Muslim and a Chinese walked into a bar... can anyone finish this joke for me? went out with a group of friends, and this literally happened."

"Which stretches further, skin or rubber? Skin. It says in the bible, Moses tied his ass to a tree and walked 10 miles."