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Joke of the Day

"Left my iPod in the Washer and Dryer... I accidentally left my iPod in the washer and dryer, and when I took it out, all of my songs with explicit lyrics had been deleted."

"Police: Cover me Rookie: ok [pulls out guitar] Every little thing she does is magic"

"What did the kid who could see dead eskimos say? Icy dead people!"

"Nobody's gonna believe this, but I just saw a 20 something year old white girl without bangs."

"James Bond is the type of top secret spy who announces who he is, then shoots everyone and sets off a bomb while doing absolutely no spying."

"What did Geoffrey Dahmer say..... What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit? Are you going to eat that?"

"Facebook is a big party where the host is in a back room going through all the coats."

"The Chinese New Year sure is a lot less ryanseacresty."

"[girlfriend yelling] You have an unhealthy attachment to your pets with weird names! [she knocks over my dead hamster's shrine] GILGAMESH!"

"How are genders like the twin towers? There used to be two of them but now everyone gets offended if you talk about it."