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Joke of the Day
"If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I'd totally be expecting some change back."
Next Joke
"I was gonna make a gay joke. Butt fuck it."
"Why are men better cooks than women? Because with a sausage, a couple of eggs, and some cream, a man can keep a woman full for 9 months."
"(WW1 1915) ENGLISH GENERAL: Plan? ENGLISH LIEUTENANT: Well, the trenches can be used to- ENGLISH MAJOR: to symbolise man's emptiness, yes..."
"wife: What's the best moment of your life? me: That time I won a stuffed dino- wife: That didn't involve a dinosaur me: Our wedding"
"Two Polish guys are hunting for bears in the woods. They come across a fork in the road with a sign that says ""BEAR LEFT"" They both turn around and go home."
"Interviewer: Do you plan on having children? Me: I have four, why start now?"
"PSA: If your kid bumps into me one more time with your shopping cart I will unhinge my jaw and swallow him whole."
"Flash floods in Arizona last night. We nominate California and Texas. #ALSIceBucketChallenge"
"What does a turkey do when he flies upside down? He gobbles up."