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Joke of the Day

"Flash floods in Arizona last night. We nominate California and Texas. #ALSIceBucketChallenge"

"There were so many vampires at my Halloween party I lost Count. ]"

"What's it called when two perfectionists sleep together? Anal sex."

"I love my relationship with my bed. No commitment needed. We just sleep together every night."

"Helen Keller walks into a bar And a table, and a chair"

"If you watch an Apple store get robbed, Does that make you an iWitness?"

"why would you go outside? that's where bugs live"

"What's the best part about having sex with twenty-one year old's? There's twenty of them."

"I became a proud dad today, my boy is actually 4 but he was a little prick for the first 3 years."

"You are a lioness and I am your lion.. ..now be a good lioness and bring me some food!"