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Joke of the Day

"(WW1 1915) ENGLISH GENERAL: Plan? ENGLISH LIEUTENANT: Well, the trenches can be used to- ENGLISH MAJOR: to symbolise man's emptiness, yes..."

"My ex is like cottage cheese... she's lumpy, she tastes bad, and I don't know what she goes well with."

"What's the difference between old people and babies (offensive) Old people don't die if you fuck them in the ass."

"I once got kicked out of a library... ..because I put a book about women's rights in the fiction section."

"What do you call a dog riding in a submarine? A subwoofer."

"Do lightbulbs ever think about sex? Only when they're turned on."

"I found a pot of gold today... Au yeah"

"Why do SJWs hate cannibals? They're always man-spreading on their sandwiches."

"People judge public housing, but it's cheap and your neighbors sell you drugs so I'm not sure I see the problem..."

"Remember ladies, Christmas is over if you sit on a strangers lap now and ask for stuff it's because you're a whore."